You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
