Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
