You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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