Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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