My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
