She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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