So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.