Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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