do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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