Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
