I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
