whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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