Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
