My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
