Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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