thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
