You smell like stripper and shame
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
