So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
