The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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