Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
