apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize