ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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