Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
