my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
