not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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