Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
