omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
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I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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