What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize