Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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