god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
