i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
