I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
