You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
