i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
