I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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