Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
