Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
