i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
