yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
