New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
