tonight lets celebrate not being married
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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