A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
