Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
