He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize