One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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