his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
