New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
