That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
