I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize