how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
