also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
