Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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