I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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