I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
