Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
