addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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