i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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