Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
