dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
