just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
