why im i the only drunk person in the library?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
