It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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