As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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