i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
