What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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