a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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