people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
