just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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