I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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