are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
