Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
