Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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