Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
