ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
