I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
