She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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