remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
