the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
